I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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