Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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