I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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