Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
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His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
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I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
there is glitter all over my balls
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