This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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