Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
