Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
