swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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