he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
