I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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