How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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