i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
