I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize