There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
