You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
