I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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