dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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