I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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