Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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