It's Friday. Sex?
please come you make the beer taste better
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
