Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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