I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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