i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
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