STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
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