First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
