Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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