she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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