I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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