I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
