When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
