I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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