Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I believe in your delicious
Randomize
