you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
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There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
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I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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