***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
