They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
