A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
