right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
