it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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