everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
