Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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