dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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