I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
