we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize