she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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