Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
