I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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