check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
