Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
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You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
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One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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