Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
