She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
50% drunk capacity currently
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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