East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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