and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
