we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
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