Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
