you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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