im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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