hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
