Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
