I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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