my being single is dangerous.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
