Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
