I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
