I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
