i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
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My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
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Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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