You really coming over, don't trick.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
