At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
